Gonna wear that dress You like, skin-tight
Do my hair up real, real nice
And syncopate my skin to Your heart beating…
So… yep, you guessed it… this is a thing that happened. Blogging while bound.
But that’s ok… because this post is actually going to be a writing assignment that Master gave to me. Because while I’m still in the mindset of “Fuck this shit, I’m free of people watching me,” what could possibly be a better time to do an in-depth look at roles in D/s and M/s relationships here on this blog?
The assignment was to accomplish three things, and I think I’m going to try to accomplish them simultaneously with the way this is going to be laid out: 1.) List the D-type roles and s-type roles that I’m familiar with, 2.) Define those roles as *I* see them, based on my experiences, and 3.) Differentiate between the roles, i.e. What makes a Master different from a Daddy. The third one is gonna be a little bit dodgey, so if you see me re-addressing this particular point in a future post, then it’s likely at Master’s instruction. *Grins*
If you’re not a kinky person, you’re still welcome on this post! This might even serve as a decent crash-course in the different ‘types’ of people that exist within this Lifestyle. Hell, my non-kinky friends might read this and may actually have a little bit of a better understanding about me. Lol. If you are a kinky person, I’d love to know if any of your experiences with these types of roles differ, and how you might define them, if you define them differently than me. All I ask for is that people show each other respect, if conversations are to happen in the comments section, so as long as we keep that in mind, feel free to comment your own definitions and experiences. I’d love to see them.
When I generally thought about the different D-type and s-type roles, just generically to list them out without defining them, I ended up mostly with things that were typical ‘pairs’. Like Master as a D-type role and slave as an s-type role… Dominant pairing with submissive… etc. So I’m going to approach them in pairs like this… but I am NOT saying that you HAVE to be one role or another to engage in a relationship with someone who defines themselves differently. Dominants do not HAVE to only seek out submissives… they may find a slave or a babygirl that meets their needs. I am in no way saying that these are mandatory pairings. Only that each D-type has at least one ‘complimentary’ or ‘equivalent’ s-type role, and it’s easier for my brain to describe them together. Lol.
I’m also only using the masculine forms of the Dominant roles, and the feminine forms of the submissive roles, just because that’s how they relate to Master and I… and of course since this is ultimately a writing assignment for Him, I need it to make sense to Him or I’ll be writing this allllll over again in another post.
This is a pretty generic D-type role. In my experience, it’s where most people define themselves when they are either new and exploring and don’t know quite where they fit but know they aren’t a submissive type role… or those that know the other D-type roles and just don’t seem to find themselves inside of any of those boxes. A Dominant may not be as ‘strict’ as a Master might be, in their protocols, but not as ‘lax’ as a Daddy might be in protocol. A Dominant typically won’t engage in those who do ‘pet’ or ‘animal’ roles long-term, though the kink itself might be a part of their relationship, depending on the kinks of their partner as well. Though if they want to engage more full-time with those of that role, then they would likely find themselves fitting into the “Owner/Trainer” box described later. One thing that typically is made a ‘responsibility’ of a Dominant is to re-examine their relationship regularly for potential re-negotiation, as a submissive still has that ability to request such things.
Just like ‘Dominant’ for the D-types, ‘submissive’ is a very generic s-type role. This is usually where a lot of us start out. “Oh, I’m a submissive,” is almost used interchangeably with, “Oh, I’m not a Dominant,” if you’re mistakenly called Miss in a Lifestyle setting. If, down the line, we find that we fit a different specific role, we’ll use that to define ourselves, but for the time being, ‘submissive’ seems to work just fine. If you’re more into high-protocol, strict Masters, then you might find yourself gravitating more towards identifying as a slave… if you’re a bit more on the playful side of things, without stemming into disrespect, then you might find yourself as more of a babygirl. But if you’re in the middle, or if you’re not ready to explore deeper, ‘submissive’ works just fine. It is said that submissives provide consent all over again with each new interaction. There is always the ability to say ‘no’ and still retain their collar, provided that their Dominant doesn’t find the reasons behind the refusal to be frivolous.
Typically more in-depth and ‘intense’ than a Dominant, a Master is more protocol-driven. Obedience is expected above all, or there had better be a good reason if obedience is not immediate/within a reasonable time. Also conversely to the Dominant, a Master is not expected to have to regularly re-examine His relationship with His partner. If one enters into a relationship with a Master, they typically identify as a slave, and in most circles that means that your consent is given once, when you accept the collar, and after that, if you were to refuse a directive or otherwise withdraw consent, that is the end of your relationship. Not because the Master is ‘insecure’ or anything of that nature, but because your relationship is based on obedience… if a slave no longer feels like they can obey their Master, then the Master’s control is lost. The relationship typically crumbles from there.
It is said that a slave consents once: when they accept the collar. Masters who come from the Leather side of the Lifestyle will often provide a ‘training’ period for new members who wish to enter the House. One does not just start off as a slave in a Leather household. You are trained, and you earn that collar with every bit of work you put in. So in those circles, it is definitely understandable that your last opportunity to consent is when you accept your collar, because you’ve already been trained in what is expected of you. You’re going in eyes wide open. The moment you withdraw your consent, as stated above, the Master kinda loses their power, and your relationship suddenly has lost the foundation of obedience that it once had. Pending a miracle, most M/s relationships won’t survive that kind of a breach.
I wanted to differentiate here, because the Gor novels and the RP based around them seem to anger the BDSM community if people try to point out similarities, and vise versa… Goreans often say “If you don’t like ___*insert strange Gorean practice here*___ then maybe you should go back to Disney or BDSM.” Like BDSM is some kind of lesser-form of Mastery. Gorean Masters, if they’re played the way they were in the books, tend to innately view ALL women as being submissive. They offer respect to Free Women (uncollared women) that is afforded to their station, but deep down, he’ll still see her as a slave. Gorean Masters will deal more harshly with their slaves, typically… as on Gor slaves are property akin to livestock. They are, in the eyes of the law, the equivalent of an animal, a beast of burden. There are Gorean Masters who love their slaves, so they’re not entirely heartless, but the treatment of slaves here is typically more on the ‘harsh’ side, for those that prefer that style of ‘play’. It is important to note here, though, that while you CAN follow Gorean PRINCIPLES in your real life, there really is no such thing as a ‘real life Gorean’. Some identify themselves that way, but whether they want to admit it or not… they’re just M/s Masters who hold themselves to Gorean principles. Gor, itself, is still a work of fiction… a series of Sci-Fi novels, and one poorly produced movie. It is not an actual real-life thing. Just as one cannot ACTUALLY be a Klingon, but they can cosplay one.
I make this differentiation between the ‘slave’ and the ‘Gorean slave’ just to say that the Gorean slave can have a more compliant nature. “Yes, Master,” types. There are some spirited Gorean slaves, and most of us still speak our minds out-of-character when not in roleplay… but within the confines of a Gorean roleplay, we have a very small bounding box to operate within. To behave in a manner that is uncharacteristic of a Gorean slave in a Gorean scene/sim at BEST will get you beaten or otherwise punished… and at WORST will get a bunch of OOC drama in your IMs about how you aren’t BtB (By the Book), etc etc. Just like with the Gorean Master, one can live a ‘deeper’ slavery in RL and call it ‘Gorean’, but there is no such thing as a ‘real life Gorean slave’. It’s still a work of fiction.
There is an “Owner” that refers to Owner/property dynamics… though I have zero experience with those type of dynamics. I know they exist, and that it seems to be another one of those things that comes from the Leather side of M/s… but because I am not Leather, personally, and do not have much experience in a Leather House, I only know that the dynamic exists, but nothing about it. (Note to Master here: If You wish me to research the Owner/property dynamic, I do know a Leather Master who uses such, and I believe one of my friends is Her ‘property’ in such a dynamic.) So anyway, the type of Owner I refer to here is one who Owns a pet. Technically, I own my cat Delilah… though let’s be real, she owns me…. lol… and in much the same way, a pet-role’s Dominant usually takes on the role of that pet’s “Owner”, or in some cases “Trainer”. Trainer can also be used like a third-party who comes in to train a pet, but does not own them.
Pets can be literally any animal that one feel they identify as, in personality and mannerism. The pet-roles I’ve personally interacted with in RL and SL are puppies, kitties, ponies, foxes, and wolves. Most wolf pet-roles that I’ve met have been men… as it’s still a more masculine way to have some pet-play in your life, but I know of a couple female wolf-roles too. Pets and these animal roles are exactly what they sound like… you’re taking on the persona of that particular animal, in as much as a human can. Some are more lenient with how much they go into it… playful cat mannerisms… cat ears… a tail… etc… and others are more intense. Ponyplay is an example of one that is typically more intense. Tack is an incredibly formal affair, and most ponies are de-humanized. They do not have use of their hands (or their arms, depending how they’re bound), and they are usually not permitted human speech. The most basic form of communication for a pony – in my experience – has been stomping once for “Yes,” and twice for “No.” But there are some who will go in depth in what their whinnies, snorts, and other sounds mean, depending on how they are trained.
(For the sake of this particular post, I’m going to be thinking more in terms of how we see this role, and its counterpart, manifest itself inside of Second Life. I say this, because I further break down some of the other things that can be experienced within this kind of dynamic a bit more specifically below here.) In Second Life, Daddies are typically the laid-back, affection-centric Dominants. They are less about protocol and more about cuddles and being playful… and oftentimes they love to see their s-type being more playful as well. This is where the ‘brat’ tendency in SL began, and where the controversy in it rests. But ultimately the Daddy is still no-less a Dominant. How His s-type behaves is still under His control, and is a reflection upon Him.
(Again, for the sake of this post, I’m going to stick to Second Life babygirls, and further define some other characteristics below.) This is basically the more playful of the submissives. They aren’t afraid to poke fun and have a good time… and generally are focused on cuddles and affection, and being adorable. You’ll find the lolita fashion style here a lot as well, or at the very least a draw to more of the ‘cutesy’ things if they’re going to go full-on SL-babygirl. In Second Life, none of this is about age regression. That gets into the roles below…
This is different than the Daddy, because it’s often a non-sexual role. Daddies and their playful babygirl submissives can still normally engage in a sexual relationship because there is no age regression, so there’s nothing terribly “weird” about it. It’s still a grown-adult woman in a relationship with a grown-adult Man. In Caregiver relationships, however, the s-type usually regresses… to varying degrees depending on the type. Because of this regression, a sexual relationship is usually viewed as taboo (I know, taboo within our Lifestyle? Seems strange.) simply because there can be kinda pedophilia vibe to it if that Caregiver engages sexually with a little who is regressing into single-digit ages. These dynamics are typically very nurturing ones, just as the ‘Caregiver’ name might imply. In my experience (well, mine and a friend’s, who informed me of the term for another bit of regression), there are three common s-type roles that align well with Caregivers.
This is the one you hear about most often, and it’s one that’s typically used to describe the dynamic, even if the person’s particular ‘age’ that they regress to more closely identifies with one of the other roles. You’ll still hear the dynamic called “Caregiver/little girl”. Littles, in terms of regression, are just that… little girls. There’s a lot of stuffies, coloring, and the potential for babytalk here, depending on how deep the little wants to engage in her regression. Some littles and Caregivers go into diaper-related kinks… though I have zero experience with any of that, so I won’t even begin to try and speculate. Mostly, littles are just what they sound like: little girls.
The term ‘middle’ seems to have come about for those who regress, but not fully back to a little girl. Middles often regress to, like, preteen type ages, if they have an age defined at all. Some people will specifically identify an age that they regress to, others just regress to certain ‘behaviors’ that may fit a range of ages. Middles might have stuffies, but they may not be a permanent fixture in their life. (Think of it in terms of real life children… toddlers might carry their favorite stuffed animal everywhere… whereas a 10-year-old might still have a favorite stuffed animal, but it stays on the bed while the child is at school/etc.) Middles might still color or engage in other childlike activities, but they will definitely communicate more clearly than littles who fully and deeply regress.
This was the term that I got from a friend when I ran my list by her. From what I understand, those who identify themselves as just a ‘girl’ within the Caregiver/little community, are only really regressing to the teenage years. So they aren’t a little, and are a little older than a middle… therefore, they’re just ‘girls’. Think of girls like a typical teenager. They wouldn’t really do the stuffie thing… they might do the coloring thing if they’re naturally an artistic person… hell, there’s adult coloring books now, so ones interest in coloring does not determine your age regression. But really, girls are just those who want to regress, but not too far. Though because they’re still identifying in the ‘teenage’ range, they likely won’t have a sexual relationship with their Caregiver, if Caregiver/girl is their primary dynamic.
I wanted to end with this one rather than start with it, because I wanted D-types to read through all the other ‘labels’ before they read this one and got stuck on it. A Top, in my experience, is generally just a differentiation in a scene. The one who is wielding the flogger is the Top. The one who is giving the spanking is the Top. There may or may not be a deeper relationship between a Top and the person He’s playing with, and the Top may never actually desire a power exchange relationship at all. It is perfectly ok to just enjoy the scening and know that you don’t want to be hit with things… you only want to do the hitting. Lol.
Just like a Top, a bottom tends to be just a differentiation in a scene. The one who is getting hit with the flogger is the bottom. The one who is getting spanked is the bottom. The term ‘bottom’ can also be used as a verb (actually, so can ‘Top’, I just didn’t write it there and I’m too lazy to go back up and correct it/add it… so just consider this definition interchangeable.) in that someone can say they are ‘bottoming’ with so-and-so tonight. Topping typically works better in verb-form than bottoming, but both can still be used. Also just like with a Top, it is perfectly ok to just enjoy scening and not want to be in a deeper D/s or M/s relationship with someone and just like to get hit with things.
As a small bonus that I’m only adding in here because I’ve been this before… a service Top is typically a Top who isn’t actually a Top. (Confuse yet? Lmao.) The easiest way for me to define ‘service Top’ is to explain my experience as such. When I was training in the only Leather House I’ve been involved in – in RL – the House was run by a Master and Mistress who both liked to scene at the local club on the weekends. We shared a space with a Swingers club and Mistress in particular really loved to do introductory scenes for people… their first scene when they’re just curious what it’s like to be hit with the different things, or what it’s like to feel a violet wand, etc. But, at the same time, Master had bad knees and Mistress had Fibromyalgia, and so they were not always able to Top in the scene. Because I originally began my journey with them in training as a Switch – before I did more soul-searching and re-identified myself as a slave – I was taught to wield the different floggers, etc. So if Master or Mistress couldn’t do the scene, I was offered up to do it if the bottom wished it. I wasn’t Topping because I got any enjoyment out of being the Top… I was Topping as an act of service to my House. My enjoyment came out of giving people what they wanted, and serving Master and Mistress, as well as the bottom actually… meeting their needs. So I was a ‘Top’ in act only… still a slave in service.
God… I hope any of that made sense. As you can see, I’m a relatively open book when it comes to this kind of thing, so if this post made any of you curious about me, what I do in the Lifestyle, or the Lifestyle in general, please don’t hesitate to ask in the comments section… or ask me privately if you’re a bit more timid about it.
Also, know that a person doesn’t have to be ONLY one role. I, myself, identify as a slave… but I also do roleplay in Gor, so at times I fit the Gorean slave role… I have an inner-middle who comes out when I’m getting way too stressed and my brain decides to stop adulting for awhile… and I’m beginning to explore the pony-girl role… though I’ve also been a kitten/pet in past relationships, so I have experience in pet roles in general. You are an individual human being, and thus are free to pick and choose those things that feel like they fit you, and leave behind the things that don’t. You also don’t have to fully identify with a role in order to possess tendencies towards that role. Like myself and my inner-middle. I’m not a full-time middle, I don’t identify as a middle, but I have an inner-middle that comes out.
Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. At a little over 3500 words, I think it’s time to just give y’all the style credits and let you go on about your night. ♥
Shape || Mine
Head || Chloe Bento Head (v3.0) | Lelutka
* Skin || Kayla Skin (Tone 03) | Amara Beauty | Powder Pack for Lelutka (October) | new!
* Eyeliner || included in Becca skin pack | Lara Hurley
* Freckles || included in Becca skin pack | Lara Hurley
* Lipstick || Xenia Makeup | Modish | Powder Pack for Lelutka (October) | new!
Eyes || Hurt Eyes | Izzie’s
* Hair || Apple (Brunettes) | Truth Hair | Uber | recent!
* Top&Pants || The Hunt | Cynful | Salem | new!
Collar || Inked Collar | RealEvil Industries
Cuffs || Vixen Set | RealRestraint
Backdrop || Silent Elevator Hall (Original) | Schitt
* Pose (full) || The Emily Series One | an lar Poses | Le Six Event | new!
* Pose (close up) || The Emily Series Two | an lar Poses | Le Six Event | new!
– It should be noted here that the cuffs credited above were modifying my arm position, so this is not the arm position of either of these two an lar Poses. The position in the cuffs that my arms were in was called ‘U-binder’.
Location || Backdrop & You
Blogging Tune || “Good For You” – Selena Gomez ft. A$AP Rocky