Posted in Life

Confession .100. I Wish I Was Brave Enough…

I wish I was, I wish I was
Brave enough to love You…

Confession .100.  I Wish I Was Brave Enough...

For starters, this post won’t be to everyone’s taste.  Sometimes, a blogger just has to blog for themselves… for what they want to do, what they want to show, and the people they want to show that to.  Sometimes, people deserve a certain recognition in a public forum, and for a blogger, their blog is the place to do that.

Because I know that some people wouldn’t read those above lines, I was sure to not include any sponsored items in here that I had not already showcased prominently before, as this pose does not show off much.  But that’s because the clothes are not the point in this one.

The pose is the point.  The people are the point.  The words are the point.

To Whom It May Concern:

Hi, Daddy.  🙂  Did you have a mini-heart attack when the post You knew was for You started as a “To Whom It May Concern” letter?  Sorry.  I did warn You I would be a bit of a brat… but I promise, I’ll try not to jumpscare You through the rest of here.

If You would have told me even a couple months ago that I would be happy in an ‘open’ dynamic, I would have laughed at you.  Like… not just an awkward chuckle.  An outright, deep from the belly, appalled fit of laughter that You would actually think I could be happy in something other than committed monogamy.

But I suppose when You showed up in my life, You proved the theory that I’d always sort of heard and had been mulling around in my head… sometimes it’s not the situation you’re in, it’s the people you’re with.  It wasn’t committed monogamy that I wanted, necessarily.  It was the right person.  Someone to come along and actually give a fuck about me.

Like, actually give a fuck.  Not just say they did, to get whatever it was they wanted from me.

You stripped away the walls I built, like No One ever has…

I’ve always told You that I have a heart for polyamory.  I have an innate desire for a family.  A family that will work.  And so when You first told me that You couldn’t commit to any single one person, that didn’t make me run away.  It made me a little afraid, because any other ‘family’ I’ve been involved in had either mutually dissolved or horrifically fallen apart… but that made me afraid of the situation, not of You.

No, I trusted You.

So, I gave in and let myself want to move deeper with You.  Am I still scared?  You bet I am.  But in a sense, the freedom is nice.  It builds a deeper trust.  I don’t have to worry about a jealous Top/Dominant/Daddy/Master/AnyOtherLabel who wants to punish me for even looking at another person funny.  I feel free to roam in the community, to engage with others in conversation, to learn from other peoples’ viewpoints… something that – while perfectly innocent, regardless – I would’ve been terrified to do in past relationships.  Because heaven forbid my Person take it the wrong way.

There’s some things I should’ve said… I was too afraid…

There are days – and there will be more days – when we are exactly like this picture.  I get scared… and I pull away.  I think You saw it a few times last week.  I was just quiet.  I was scared.

They say the difference between jealousy and envy is that jealousy is being afraid to lose something that you have, while envy is simply wanting something that you don’t have.  I was jealous.  And the part that bothered me the most… the part that kept me up at night… was that I didn’t know what there was to be jealous of.  I was fine.  We were fine.  Everything was fine.

I guess I was just waiting for what felt like the inevitable moment where everything wouldn’t be fine.

But in those days… in those moments of my intense weakness… when I want to run away… when I want to jump (hey, now I think You’re starting to get the pose and the picture) You are right there… holding me back.  You aren’t really pulling… You would never force me.  But You’re right there, holding onto me, and reminding me that You’re right there, whether I’m afraid of You or not.

I wish I was… I wish I was… brave enough to love You… brave enough to love You…

And for that, I don’t think I can thank You enough.  But I can always try.

Thank You, Daddy.  For everything You are.  And everything You do.  Whether You realize You do it or not.

Your Doll ❤

Shape || Mine
Head || Catya New Rig (v2.10) | Catwa
Skin || Callie (Pale Tone) | Belleza
Hair || Bad Habit (HUD 03) | Magika
– Another style part of Magika’s 50% off Summer Sale
Body || Isis Full (v2.01) | Belleza
Hands || Prohands (v.1) | Vista
Outfit || Caiti (Black) | Blueberry
– Part of SL’s 14th Birthday Shopping Event; 40% off during the event
Rings&Nails || Elektra Nails & Rings | RealEvil Industries

– If anyone is curious about anything Daddy is wearing, please don’t hesitate to ask me, and I will find out from Him what it is. –

Pose || My Fantasy Poses 4 | K&S Poses

Location || Lebanon

Blogging Tune || “Brave Enough” – Lindsey Stirling ft. Christina Perri

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