Confession .89. I’ve Heard It All Before At Least A Million Times…

I’m so sick of that same old love
That shit, it tears me up…
I’m so sick of that same old love
My body’s had enough…

This is another one of those posts that might not make much sense to anyone other than for Whom it is intended.  My apologies for this.

I was going through my notecards folder Saturday morning based on an off-handed comment in a discussion… and I found my petition.  It’s about a week shy of being one year ago.  So that’s what’s been on my mind lately.

To Whom It May Concern:

I get it.  In case You don’t remember, I was there.  I have been there the entire time.  I was there before her.  I was there when I asked You outright if she was pursuing a place with You… and You told me no… I was there when she entered Your consideration… I was there when You collared her.  I was there.  I’ve been there.

So I get that it all kinda had you a little fucked up.  Don’t think I don’t get it.

However, please don’t patronize me.  I think You forget just how long I’ve been there.  And through how much I’ve been there.  I think You forget that I know You.  I think You underestimated that I was quite prepared for what I would be walking into.

I think You regularly underestimate me.

And that’s not Your fault.  I’ve proven in the past to be pretty flighty.  I’ve been there, but I’ve been waiting in the wings… keeping myself to the outside… afraid of You to notice me.  Because while in the back of my mind, I always hoped You would, I think I was also terrified of the prospect of You ACTUALLY noticing me.

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, basically.

But what I don’t appreciate… is this notion that I need to be ‘let down gently’.  That I need to be lied to, in order to avoid whatever hurt the truth might cause.  I took Your explanation, and at the time I appreciated it… but as the past year has gone on… I’m not so sure I appreciate it as much as I did then.  Only because I have to question whether or not it was the truth.  Was it real, or were You just afraid to hurt me?

Were You afraid that me seeing You as a real person in the day-to-day would suddenly change things?  You underestimate me.  And You forget that I’ve been here.

I’m here.  I have been.  I will be.  I’m always here.

Whenever You’re through underestimating me, I’ll still be here.  Just don’t lie to me, ok?

Sincerely,
You Were Worth A Petition; I Should Be Worth The Truth


Shape || Mine
Head || Catya New Rig (v2.10) | Catwa
Skin || Keke Skin (Caramel Tone) | Pink Fuel | Powder Pack for Catwa (April) | recent!
Lip Tint || Aiko Lip Tint | Izzie’s
Hair || Western Wind (Blacks & Whites) | Tableau Vivant
Body || Lara Body (v4.0) | Maitreya
Hands || wearing Maitreya bento hands, included with bodies 4.0 and later
Lingerie & Cuffs || Scarlett Lingerie Set (Purple) | Erratic
Necklace & Earrings || Papillion Jewelry | Empyrean Forge | FaMESHed | new!
Rings & Nails || Elektra Nails & Rings Set | RealEvil Industries

Pose || Dazzled | CW Poses
– Head position modified in both photos; arm position modified in close up photo.

Location || Elysion

Blogging Tune || “Same Old Love” – Selena Gomez

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