Confession .66. Opia

Shoutout to my ex, You’re really quite the man
You made my heart break at that made me who I am
Here’s to my ex, hey, look at me now
I’m all the way up, I swear You’ll never bring me down!

shoutouttomyex2final

opia
n. the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable—their pupils glittering, bottomless and opaque—as if you were peering through a hole in the door of a house, able to tell that there’s someone standing there, but unable to tell if you’re looking in or looking out.

I’ve always been one to kink for sensory deprivation.  I always loved the idea of it within SL, and then when I went into the RL community, I experimented with it and found just as intense a love for it there as well.  Though I think my enjoyment of it in RL came in a completely different form than I would have liked for it to.

See the idea of it in SL is purely mental.  Sure, your avi can be bound and hooded, and you can even use toys within SL that black out your screen when you’re hooded, etc… but your RL is entirely unaffected.  I could be locked in one place in SL, black screen, “???” for my sim location, unable to see peoples’ names or the radar, etc… and I could still, whenever I damn well please, get up and go do laundry.  There is no RL limitation to sensory deprivation in SL.

So within SL, for me, I liked it because it taught me to value the senses that I COULD experience.  It taught me to value being able to see the environment around me, see peoples’ names, etc.

In RL, it was definitely more of a safe space for me, to be suspended in senselessness.  Let me give you an example if you don’t understand what I mean…

I’m an incredibly body-conscious person in RL.  I’m self-conscious about my size, and so I’m the kind of person that will wear jeans and a t-shirt in the middle of an Alabama summer because I don’t like the way my legs look, etc.  However, in RL, when I was training in a House, I had Dominants who very much operated on the theory of, “I won’t hit it if I can’t see it.”  Which basically translates to them having to see the skin if they’re going to flog a particular part of the body.  They need to check for bruising, redness, etc… and they can’t do that if your clothes are on.  You’re more than welcome to keep on whatever you want, but you just won’t be flogged there.

So most of the time, I would only take my shirt and bra off, so that my back and my chest could get worked over.  I wasn’t brave enough to take anything else off.  And the first time I even so much as took my shirt off, I damn near had a panic attack at the idea of other people watching.  That was when Sir got the idea of placing earbuds in my ears from my iPod, hooding me so that I couldn’t see (but I cold still breathe… important to note here for those of you not experienced with this kind of thing, there was a nose and mouth hole so I could breathe just fine, and communicate if there was a problem) and continuing the scene that way.  I couldn’t see if people were watching.  I couldn’t hear them talking.  I could only see darkness and hear the music.  And of course feel the flogger.

That was the closest to a state of bliss I could mange to get myself to when scening in public.

But I do remember, whenever, Sir would take the hood off and I adjusted to the light, He always looked me directly in the eye.  A completely intense moment… more intense than when He would do it at random throughout the evening.

The idea of having that ability temporarily taken away from me made me relish in the moments that it was returned to me.

And I loved it that way.

shoutouttomyex1final

*~* Confession .66.  Opia *~*

Shape || Mine
Head || Catya (v1.08) | Catwa
Skin || Miyu (Peach) | Enfer Sombre | Hentai Fair | recent!
Hair || Honey Whiskey (HUD 02) | Magika
Freckles || Freckles (tintable) for Catwa | Bossie | Kawaii Project | recent!
– These freckles were a part of my Freckles & Heart Stickers pack that I showed a couple posts ago.  The freckles come with the heart stickers, and there’s also a version sold with star stickers.  There are tintable versions for Catwa and system skins, as well as Omega appliers for other heads.
Lipstick || Cora Dark Matte Lipsticks | Izzie’s
* Tattoo || Harmonium (Black) | White Widow | Shiny Shabby | recent!
– I promised that I would show this tat again, since the white version got washed out in the windlight of the last photo it was featured in, and here it is!  Harmonium is ALSO unisex, if I didn’t mention that last time, so fellas can get in on this too!
* Top&Shorts || Addie Set | Lybra | Shiny Shabby | recent!
Blindfold&Lipchain || Sacrosanct Blindfold (Ornate Gunmetal) | [CX] | Epiphany | recent!
Septum Piercing || Sacrosanct Septum (Silver) | [CX] | Epiphany | recent!
Collar&Chain || Sacrosanct Collar (Gunmetal; RARE) | [CX] | Epiphany | recent!

* Pose (full body) || The Opaque Series Four | an lar Poses | ROMP | recent!
* Pose (close up) || The Opaque Series Five | an lar Poses | ROMP | recent!

Location || Elysion

Blogging Tune || “Shout Out To My Ex” – Little Mix

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