Confession .59. Kairosclerosis

I’m trying not to take too much
I’m in over my head
Over love, oh I over trust
Give me the chance to pick up the pieces You left me in
Why did I let You in?

overdose2final

kairosclerosis

n. the moment you realize that you’re currently happy—consciously trying to savor the feeling—which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it’s little more than an aftertaste.

Yep.  Welcome to my morning…

I am happier than I’ve been in a long time.  And that is still spoken in present-tense on purpose.  I’m trying to fight against this kairosclerosis that’s going on in my day at the moment and stay in that happy place.  Nothing really changed… I just have to convince my brain of that.

And those of you with anxiety will now begin to understand the hell of a time I’m having with doing that.

When someone randomly walks back into your life, sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes it may not be.  When I had a falling out with someone who is not only my best friend in SL, but very much my best friend in RL, I didn’t really know what to do.  I spent much of the time that we didn’t talk floundering about like, “Erm, what is humaning again?” and not really being able to contemplate functioning on a day-to-day basis, because she was that much a part of my everyday that my entire routine had to change.

The return to communication and gradually working back to where we were has been a very positive addition to my life (and hopefully to hers as well).

However this morning, someone from my somewhat-sorta-distant past just randomly popped into my IMs unprovoked.  Suddenly asking questions about stuff that would have happened at the end of 2015 and then randomly apologizing?  Like… um… talk about a random message I didn’t expect to get this morning.

And of course I was on my way out the door.

I… don’t know how to feel.  But I can slowly see this contented space of happiness that I was comfortably resting in slowly getting smaller and closing in around me.  Like suddenly this random message is going to trigger some catastrophic chain of events that leads to me being unhappy again and not in a good place again…

The logical side of my brain knows that can’t happen again if I don’t let it…

But try telling that to the anxiety-filled majority of my brain.

overdose1final

*~* Confession .59.  Kairosclerosis *~*
(You’ll notice over the next few posts I might be revamping/experimenting with how I label/list my credits.  I’m trying to keep things organized and a bit cleaner.  I will also begin designating those items that are from sponsors with a “*”.)

Shape || Mine
Head || Simone Head 2.0 | Lelutka
* Skin || Serah (Asia Tone) | Glam Affair | Project Seven
* Lipstick || Serah Lipstick 05 (Darker) | Glam Affair | Project Seven
Hair || Sugar (Blondes) | Doe
Eyes || Triumph Eyes (Silverleaf) | IKON
Body || Lara Body (v3.5) | Maitreya
* Dress || Dolly Dress (Dahlia) | Oubliette | Darkness Chamber Fair (until 01/25)
* Shoes || Sugar Tip Toe Ballet (Dahlia) | Oubliette | Darkness Chamber Fair (until 01/25)
Headpiece || Apple Blossoms (white violet) | LODE
Collar || Abide Collar | Cae
* Tattoo || Music Box (Lavender) | White Widow
Puppet Strings || Marionette Controls and Strings (Black) | Curio Obscura

Pose (close up) || Puppet 4 | K&S
Pose (full body) || Puppet 5 | K&S

Location || Elysion

Blogging Tune || “Overdose” – Alessia Cara

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