I’m doing me, don’t mind me
Only one time, I’ma tell you kindly
Please f— off, I don’t need you by me
But if you search then you know where to find me…
I’m going to keep doing me, whether you like me doing me, or whether you care about me doing me. I’ve never wanted to be ‘that girl’ who spends all her time trying to be who everyone else wants her to be.
Unfortunately, I lost myself in that kind of girl for a time. Or at least the kind of girl who was afraid to be herself because others might not like it – or outright don’t like it.
Continue reading “Confession .48. Don’t Get It Mixed Up, My Story’s Never Switched Up…”
See, I need You, and baby I need to
Let down my guard and give You my scars…
Open up my heart.
We could be stars.
She looked without looking for quite some time. She hoped without hoping. She tried not to get her hopes up, but those that knew her best often heard the tears that broke her voice if they knew how to listen. Those that knew her best knew the way others took advantage of her weakened state. They saw how people would stroll in and stroll out just as quickly.
They watched. They lent shoulders. They offered baseball bats to the kneecaps. But the pattern didn’t really change. The pattern would never change, not as long as there continued to be assholes in the world.
Continue reading “Confession .47. I’ve Wanted You Here All Along, But My Fear Just Keeps Haunting Me…”
And you’re locked inside my heart
And your melody’s an art
And I won’t let the terror in, I’m stealing time
Through the eye of a needle…
To design is truly an art form. To design well… very few in SL manage to accomplish that. And to design well WHILE remaining a decent human being? Nearly impossible. Few people could do this better than Dani Plassitz did of Styles by Danielle.
My day yesterday started off pretty normally. Up early, out most of the morning, came home to piddle around in SL, until I got an IM. Now, most of you know I’ve got my autoresponse up 24/7. RL pulls me away at random, but real talk? Sometimes I’m there and I choose not to respond. I’m either spending time with someone and I don’t want to pause that time to multi-task dealing with an issue, or I’m just really not in the mood. That’s the beauty of the autoresponse. However, this was a designer that is in the Peace on Earth Hunt, so I figured there may be a problem.
Instead, I receive heartbreaking news. Dani Plassitz had passed away suddenly in RL the night before.
Continue reading “Confession .46. Smile Through The Pain…”
I break down, only alone I will cry out loud
You’ll never see what’s hiding out
Hiding out deep down
I know I’ve heard that to let your feelings show
Is the only way to make friendships grow
But I’m too afraid now…
I had a post that I wanted to write here. But my day has been sombered a little bit.
And I don’t really want to talk about why just yet. There are others who were closer that I feel like should get the right to speak on it first before I do.
Continue reading “Confession .45. I Put My Armor On, Show You How Strong I Am…”
I’m not asking for a lot
Just that you’re honest with me…
My pride is all I got.
It’s been 7 months. You probably didn’t know that. I didn’t know it until I thought about it the other day and went back to look for my petition. 7 months since I wrote it and gave it to you. Do you remember how terrified I was?
I was, like, in tears when I gave it to you. Real talk? I wanted to run away. Or, I guess the SL equivalent is tp’ing away? Like… my stomach was in knots. I was terrified of you.
One of the people I’m closest to in this god-forsaken grid, and I was /terrified/ of you.
Continue reading “Confession .44. I Stand A Hundred Feet, But I Fall When I’m Around You…”
I’ve made mistakes…
I’ve let my hope fail…
My soul feels crushed,
By the weight of this world…
I had a conversation today with a sister/mentor of mine. One of those ‘swift kick in the ass’ that I really needed kind of conversations. You know the kind, right?
Because whether I’ve made it overtly clear or not, outwardly, for the last month and a half or so I’ve been incredibly… broken. And different. And just… completely shaken. I’ve not really put myself out there for much of anything, whether it be new opportunities, or opportunities within organizations I already exist in. I just sort of sat stagnant for awhile.
Then again, being told that your ‘level of inadequacy is completely appalling’ might do that to a person…
Continue reading “Confession .43. I’m Worn…”