Confession .43. I’m Worn…

I’ve made mistakes…
I’ve let my hope fail…
My soul feels crushed,
By the weight of this world…

worn1final

I had a conversation today with a sister/mentor of mine.  One of those ‘swift kick in the ass’ that I really needed kind of conversations.  You know the kind, right?

Because whether I’ve made it overtly clear or not, outwardly, for the last month and a half or so I’ve been incredibly… broken.  And different.  And just… completely shaken.  I’ve not really put myself out there for much of anything, whether it be new opportunities, or opportunities within organizations I already exist in.  I just sort of sat stagnant for awhile.

Then again, being told that your ‘level of inadequacy is completely appalling’ might do that to a person…

I was so worn out.  Nothing really gave me joy anymore.  I was blogging because I had to, not really because I wanted to. And the only thing that kept me tied to that sense of obligation was the fact that some of the photos I came out with were pretty to me.  As long as I could keep making pretty things, they would at least make me smile a little bit, even if my heart wasn’t completely in it.

I was back to sitting on the sidelines.  Scared little Tivi who didn’t want to do anything for fear of what it might cause down the line.  Scared little Tivi who was so terrified of everyone else, that she forgot what was most important…

… what SHE wanted.

So after a bit of a tongue-lashing from said sister – done completely out of a place of love, I know – I sorta snapped out of it.  I was so sick of being this person that I worked so hard not to be anymore.  That person who was so afraid of what other people thought of her that she never went for what she wanted.

I missed the Tivi that hit the ground hard and didn’t stop until she had what she wanted.  Somehow, somewhere she got lost.  Buried under other peoples’ opinions of how rubbish  I was at everything I did.  How ‘inadequate’.  How ‘less than even mediocre’.  Somehow, I let people brow-beat the creativity and passion out of me that used to be the spark that kept me alive.

But I’m back.  Sort of.  Slowly.  🙂

worn2final

*~* Confession .43.  I’m Worn… *~*

..:: Shape ::..  Mine
..:: Head ::..  Tumble Basic Head || Catwa
..:: Skin ::..  Renee Skin (America; with Freckles applier) || Glam Affair || Uber
..:: Eyes ::..  Deadshine Eyes (Wight Iris; Verdant Pupil) || IKON
..:: Hair ::..  Gwen (Solar) || Wasabi Pills || FaMESHed
..:: Body ::..  Lara Body (v3.5) || Maitreya
..:: Outfit ::..  Miris || Aisling || We ❤ RP
* This outfit comes with a dress, separate sleeves (right & left), a top harness, bottom harness (with leg), and optional panties.
..:: Boots ::..  Aethia Boots || Aisling || We ❤ RP
..:: Earrings&Necklace ::..  Sarra Jewelry (Golden) || Plastik || We ❤ RP
* This jewelry is unisex, and comes with several necklace lengths.

..:: Pose (sitting) ::..  Fine Sand A Pose 5 (Non Bento) || BodyLanguage SLC || We ❤ RP
..:: Pose (laying) ::..  Fine Sand A Pose 1 (Non Bento) || BodyLanguage SLC || We ❤ RP

..:: Location ::..  {Paramour}

..:: Blogging Tune ::..  “Worn” – Tenth Avenue North

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