Confession .31. I Used To Recognize Myself

So let it go, just let it be
Why don’t You be You, and I’ll be me…
Everything that’s broke, leave it to the breeze
Let the ashes fall, forget about me.

letitgojames3final

“Let it go.”  If only it were that simple, right?

I mean, people tell us this all the time.  Oh, it’s not that bad.  Come on, you need to just let it go.  You’ll never feel better if you don’t move on.  Baby steps – you still gotta move forward.  This is easy to say for a bunch of people that aren’t in that moment with you, right then.  Now granted, it’s not always an earth-shattering problem that we’re dealing with, and we likely DO need to let it go and start to move forward, but in that moment?  In that very moment, standing right there?  It’s like you’re frozen.  Feet glued to the ground.  You physically /can’t/ move forward, even if you wanted to.

I find myself in that place more often than I’d like to admit.  And it’s like… I sit there… stuck… and the first thing I wonder?  “Who the fuck ARE you?”  “Where is the Tivi I know?  The strong Tivi.  The ‘doesn’t take shit from anyone’ Tivi.  Where is this no-bullshit woman who was just pressing forward and getting everything done?  Who the fuck are you and what have you done with THAT Tivi?”

There are times when I simply don’t recognize myself.  And I’m not sure if I am more terrified of the simple fact that it happens, or if I should be more terrified of just how /often/ it happens.

And there’s so much pressure to just let it go, move forward, and be ‘normal’.  Like, “God, you’re STILL on about that?”  So what?  So what if I am?  So what if I /hate/ looking at Him because doing so reminds me of everything He did to me?  So what if I /dread/ the fact that my college graduation is on my father’s birthday because he’s no longer here to see that moment?  So what?

“If this is all we’re living for, why are we doing it anymore?”

letitgojames1finalweb

*~* Confession .31.  I Used To Recognize Myself *~*

..:: Shape ::..  Mine
..:: Head ::..  Kori Static Head (Parted Lips 1) || Catwa
..:: Skin Applier ::..  Sabine (T4 Fawn/Starlight) || Lumae || @ Buy Now Sept.
..:: Eyeshadow Applier ::..  Charade Shadows || Veechi
..:: Eyes ::..  Odyssey Eyes (Forest) || IKON
..:: Hair ::..  Silva Hair (Browns) || Runaway
..:: Body ::.. Lara Body (v3.5) || Maitreya
..:: Gown/Headpiece ::..  Lumiya (Dogwood Purple) || Arwen’s Creations || new release!
..:: Rings ::..  Sinra Rings (Season 2) || Mandala

..:: Pose (photo 1) ::..  Standing Poses ~5 || K&S
..:: Pose (photo 2) ::..  Portrait Photography~ 1 || K&S

..:: Location ::..  Blithe

..:: Blogging Tune ::..  “Let It Go” – James Bay

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