Confession .17. I Wonder If It’s Worth It

Trying to push this problem up a hill
When it’s just too heavy to hold
Think now’s the time to let it slide…

LetItGo1FINAL

Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it.  If all the crap I tend to put myself through is really worth it.  I am either on one end of the spectrum or the other…

Either I say “Fuck you” to everything, or I don’t know how to say no when I feel like people need my help…

And what does that usually result in?  Years of loyalty only to be dropped without batting an eyelash, for what?  For a comment that was taken the wrong way by one person… and that one person asserted to me that their opinion was in fact the right interpretation.  Because of course, someone outside my own head would know better what I was saying than me, right?

Years of loyalty didn’t make a difference.  Just poof.  Gone.

When loyalty doesn’t mean a thing to anyone anymore, then I have to wonder just what the work I put in truly means.  Do people really just expect me to endlessly toil for their causes, with no benefit to myself, without even so much as a “Thank you”?  Just to keep me in their back pocket in case they might need me?  That’s what this particular individual did.  They never truly seemed to see the value in anything that I did, any of the work that I did.  And when I would get fed up, they would say something… hint at an opportunity… just enough to keep me strung along, thinking I was making some kind of difference.

But I wasn’t… I was just… there.  Used.  And when I no longer proved of value in their eyes?  Gone.  None of it meant anything.

And it’s not the first time it’s happened.  Years devoted to a cause… to helping as much as I can… going above and beyond what my “job description” or “committee title” said I was… trying to do the best I could for our “one team”.  But when the time came that I poured my heart out for something I truly wanted to do, and felt I would be good at?  “That opportunity no longer exists.”  So when I come to terms with doing my old job… the job I had been doing for the last 2 years prior?  “Your position is being consolidated.  You are no longer needed.”

I am no longer needed.  My effort is no longer needed.  But then, the same person had the gall to come to me and ask for a favor… for a different skillset of mine… to design something for them.  But I thought my effort was no longer needed?  I suppose it was just someone else trying to use me for whatever benefit I could provide to them in that moment, without seeing any actual value to me as a person.  So tell me something…

And I really hope you can tell me, because in moments like this, I really have to wonder…

What the fuck is the point?

LetItGo2FINAL

*~* Confession .17.  I Wonder If It’s Worth It *~*
Vintage Fair LM’s will be posted on June 9th!  Thanks for understanding!

..:: Shape ::.. Mine
..:: Skin ::.. Taryn (Lumiere Tone; Browless) || AlterEgo
..:: Brows ::.. Bushy Brows (Blonde) || AlterEgo
..:: Freckles ::.. Freckles (Cheek/Nose; Tintable) || AlterEgo
..:: Eyes ::.. Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
..:: Hair ::.. Delaney (Hud 01) || KoKoLoReS Hair
..:: Body ::.. Lara Body (v3.5) || Maitreya
..:: Hands ::.. Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
..:: Feet ::.. Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) || Slink
..:: Nails/Rings ::.. Precious Nails & Rings (Pointy) || RealEvil Industries
..:: Romper ::.. Groovy Romper (Rose) || Cynful || Vintage Fair (opens June 10th)
..:: Sandals ::.. Groovy Sandals (Rose) || Cynful || Vintage Fair (opens June 10th)
..:: Jewelry Set ::.. LUX Fiona Set || RealEvil Industries

..:: Hammock ::.. Boho Dreamtime Hammock (Cloud) || Cheeky Pea
* Poses for both photos can be found in the Singles menu of this hammock.

..:: Location ::.. Blithe

..:: Blogging Tune ::.. “Let It Go” James Bay – Madilyn Bailey Cover

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