Confession .15. I Am Not My Father

It’s hard to love the devil, He’s a hater
A dirty hypocrite, manipulator
Made a mama lose her kids
Made her go away for seventeen years
Not allowed to shed a tear
Growing up with all your phobic fears…

LikeMyDaddy1FINAL

“But people tell me I’m just like my Daddy…”

“Ok then, Mitch…”

My mother says it to me because she knows it hurts.  3 words.  You wouldn’t think three words could hurt that much, especially when they seem so… ordinary.  But she does it on purpose.  Half the time she does it as a joke, when I’m being a smartass, because she knows it will make me laugh.

But the other times?

See, Mitch is… was… my dad’s name.  And he was my dad, don’t get me wrong.  I can’t choose my family, and so that is my blood, regardless.  But he had his issues.  I have one of those thick inter-office envelopes in the backseat of my car that is labeled in his hand-writing “Mental Health Paperwork”.  I took it to my therapist my second meeting, and she looked through it.  I looked through a letter that’s in there once, from my dad’s therapist, right after he died.  I was… livid… at some of the things I read in there.  Some of the things that he said… the way he portrayed my mother and I.  I was livid that he was such a goddamn liar.

He always knew how to stretch the truth to suit his need in a situation.  And if he couldn’t do that?  He’d downright lie.

So when mom isn’t trying to get me to laugh when I’m being a sarcastic smartass and kinda grumbly, then she’s legitimately using those 3 seemingly ordinary words to hurt me… as if I could ever be that kind of person.  As if I could ever be the way he was.  Treat people the way he treated them.

I’m far from a perfect person, but I’ll tell you what.  I would never THINK about treating people the way my father ever treated us and other people in his life, at least not on purpose.  Have I done and said stupid shit?  I can guarantee I have.  You can put money on it.  But have I done it on purpose?  Never, not once.  Have I gone back and apologized?  Every time.  Every. Single. Time.  Once I apologize, it’s up to the other person what they want to do.

If they choose to walk away, that’s on them.  And part of me blames them, while part of me gets it.  Cause I sorta walked away from him.

So are there similarities between myself and my father?  Absolutely.  Hell, half my genes come from him… there’s bound to be.  But don’t you ever… ever… imply that I am just like him.  Or that I ever MEAN to act like him in any way, shape, or form.

I am NOT my father.  And fuck you for saying so.

LikeMyDaddy2FINAL

*~* Confession .15.  I Am Not My Father *~*

..:: Shape ::.. Mine
..:: Skin ::.. Leila (Ash) || AlterEgo || Suicide Dollz
* Yeah, I blogged another one of Toxxic’s gorgeous skins with a blindfold on… my bad… however, the biggest reason I love this version of Leila is the gorgeous purples lipstick options in the Suicide Dollz edition.  They go PERFECTLY with the ash tone, so I kinda wanted to emphasize those lips.  Sorry, Toxx.  ❤
..:: Hair ::.. Drive (Hud 04) || Magika
..:: Body ::.. Lara Body (v3.5) || Maitreya
..:: Hands ::.. Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
..:: Tattoo ::.. Zoom (Black) || White Widow || Shiny Shabby
..:: Jeans ::.. Pizza (Black) || Blueberry || recent release!
..:: Blindfold ::.. Akira Blindfold (Black) || May’s Soul || Fantasy Gacha Carnival

..:: Pose (photo 1) ::.. Nude 4 || Glitterati
..:: Pose (photo 2) ::.. Nude 1 || Glitterati
* Unfortunately the in-world store for Glitterati closed some time ago, but the creator is keeping her Marketplace open indefinitely with a lot of her items up for sale.  This particular pose set isn’t one that I could find in there by searching around, however, she made some amazing poses back in the day, and is definitely work a look-see regardless!

..:: Location ::.. Blithe
* Do you really have to ask by now?  Lol.  I feel like I stalk Harlow every time I take a blog post lately.  Sorry.  ❤

..:: Blogging Tune ::.. “Like My Daddy” – Jussie Smollett (Empire)

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