Babe, I wanna drink You in
Like Oxygen, like Oxygen
Baby, I’m a house on fire
And I wanna keep burning…
“I’m going up in flames, and You’re to blame, yeah You’re to blame. Baby, I’m a house on fire, and I wanna keep burning.”
First of all, I have a new sponsor! 😀 Thank you very much to Belle Roussel of Chop Zuey for hopping aboard the crazy train that is my blog life. Lol. This set that I’m featuring today is actually going to be released as a Valentine’s Day set on Valentine’s Day (Sunday, Feb 14th). The FIRST 50 COPIES will be 50% off. So go, run! Shoo!
Also, I have discovered a new love… Lovey Dovey hair! Teeny made the hair that was in my post yesterday during AlterEgo’s BlackOut, and I was so thrilled with it, I had to run to her store and see what else she had. I came away with this adorable hair that was perfect for showcasing Chop Zuey’s necklace.
Anyway… what I wanted to talk about.
Since it’s 3 in the morning… it’s technically Valentine’s Day for me. So on this… Valentine’s Day… I want to tell you a story. And by “you”, I certainly mean any of you crazy enough to be reading this far… but I’m also hoping a particular person sees this, reads it, and truly thinks about its content.
I stopped believing in a “natural fit” a long time ago.. or, at least, I thought I had. Once bitten, twice shy, and other cliches of that nature explain my life far more accurately than they should. There are reasons behind most things I do, no matter how stupid or small they seem… and it’s because I’ve become accustomed to an existence where everything is about safety. There is a cliche that says we build walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down. That is not the case for me… I very much build my walls to keep people out.
Because it’s safer that way.
You said that perhaps You were more torn up about Your break-up than You thought You were… I’ve been there. In fact… I’ve been there recently. Let me tell you a story…
I don’t roleplay much anymore, but when I did, I was very story-line focused. I wanted continuity. In other words, I couldn’t just take a massive hiatus and come back like nothing ever happened. In my head, I needed a logical explanation. Fortunately for me, it always seemed that I took a hiatus when, feasibly, I could be gone for a long time, per story-line. This particular time, the last time I had roleplayed, I had been stolen by a Northern Man and taken North. To anyone’s knowledge, I had never been recovered and brought back home.
So that was where it was able to start.
I met Him… and immediately He was honest that He was actually a She behind the keyboard. At the time, I was only after a story-line, and so the gender of the typist didn’t matter too much to me. She played her male character very well, and that was what mattered to me. He/She also told me He/She was married. So immediately we established boundaries. Her husband knew about what she did in Second Life… because there were things she needed that she couldn’t get from her marriage. (Sound familiar?) But at the same time, setting boundaries helped keep her RL marriage a priority, and everybody knew where everybody stood. Again, I only wanted a story-line at the time, so all of this was quite agreeable to me.
But the more we hung out, and the more we roleplayed, and the more we sat in voice on Skype, the more we opened up to each other. I told her things… some things You know, and some things You don’t. She told me things. She told me a lot of things… including entrusting me with some very personal pieces of herself and her past. It was enlightening, about the person behind the keyboard. I felt like I knew more than just her character, I knew her.
That was probably mistake number one. We really got to know each other. With the boundaries we’d set and the kind of ‘relationship’ that we wanted, it was probably a mistake to be as ‘plugged in’ to each other as we were. But it happened. And at the time, neither of us seemed to mind.
Until, of course, we realized we loved each other.
And when we figured that out, most of the basis of our roleplay went out the window, and we roleplayed so rarely that sometimes we’d forget we had obligations in the RP sim. Granted, there was other shit going on not related to our relationship that made that roleplay environment pretty dismal anyway… but for the most part, our power exchange and our dynamic vanished.
We became more of a boyfriend/girlfriend… or, I guess in our case, girlfriend/girlfriend.
I suppose, to look at it in that sense, She was my first girlfriend.
When everything went downhill, it did so very quickly. She had told me in the beginning she was a Switch, but that she so rarely visited her submissive side, it wouldn’t be a problem. So, naturally, because the Universe is a bitch, it became a problem. A large one. She spent more and more time wanting to be submissive… and even trying to act submissive in OUR relationship, which… doesn’t bode well for me. I need guidance and structure… I need a leader in the other half of my relationship. I don’t need someone trying to follow me when, in my personal relationships, I’m seeking to follow them.
It was just a mess.
All in all, it ended in her telling me she couldn’t be what I needed. That She can only be a Dominant to weak women. That I was too strong for her. Good to know that my working through my past and my problems to possess the inner strength that I possess, and then willingly hand it to someone who promises to guide me… is a negative thing? It was an emotional breakup… or, at least, it was for me. She claimed it was for her too, but at the same time she refused to come in voice to actually have the conversation. It took place in an IM box.
I got mad and auto-returned everything on our home sim and tp’d out. Yeah, I reacted. My bad.
Less than a week later (within a matter of days), she was off on her alt in the collar of some Man. And a week after that, she was running around the sim we roleplayed on, on her male avatar, dragging some new girl around. All that time we spent together, all that love we supposedly had for one another… and it was less than 2 weeks before she had completely forgotten about me and replaced me.
My heart broke all over again, realizing just how little I meant to Her.
So, I guess, in a way, I’m pretty emotionally fucked up from my last break-up too. But I meant everything I said that night, and I still have that gift in my inventory with Your name on it that I look at… daily… and have no idea what to do with.
Perhaps we are more of a ‘natural fit’ than You thought… or, rather, than You stopped thinking. You were the first one to use the term. But then you ‘changed your mind’.
I don’t know. I just know that I don’t like how things are now. I don’t. I don’t like the silence. I don’t like You just leaving without another word like everything was supposed to be perfect and the first time it wasn’t, it’s no longer worth it.
I don’t like it. Come home?
*~* I Don’t Like To Wait Too Long To Wait Too Long… *~*
Skin: Mila Skin (Almond Tone; Special Diva Makeup) || AlterEgo
* This particular makeup was exclusive as a raffle prize at BlackOut 2016, however other versions of the Mila skin are for sale with the Generation One skins at AlterEgo’s mainstore.
Eyes: Triumph Eyes (Silverleaf) || IKON
Hair: Blossom (Natural Ombres) || Lovey Dovey
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Gesture) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Dress: Valentina Dress (White) || Topazia
Boots: Nicole Boots (White) || Candydoll
* I bought these boots at Candydoll’s display at BlackOut, but they should be in the mainstore. If they aren’t right now, they should be soon!
Necklace: Dirait-On Necklace || Chop Zuey
Bracelet: Dirait-On Bracelet 1 || Chop Zuey
* This set is color change with 12 different colors for the center gem of the necklace. 4 different bracelets come with the set that you are able to mix and match, all for the right arm but they are copyable so you can make left copies too. This set also comes with Earrings that are not shown.
Blogging Tune: “House On Fire” – Sia