Confession .01. I Miss My Father

It’s perfect outside, it’s like God, let me dial up the weather
Got the whole crew here, ain’t seen some of them in forever
It’s one of those never forget it, better stop and take it in kind of scenes
Everything’s just right, yeah, except for one thing…
You should be here.

YouShouldBeHere2FINAL

“It’s one of those moments that’s got your name written all over it.  And you know that if I had just one wish, it’d be that you didn’t have to miss this.  You should be here.”

My blog turned 3 years old on the 19th.  🙂  This is amazing to me.  I also, at some point this week, reached 500 followers.  This is equally, if not moreso, amazing to me.

One thing I’ve been doing this week is kinda going back and looking at what this blog started as, and seeing just how much it’s grown since then.  When I began, it was a Confessions blog, a lot like the one I’d made about dance to start with… but this one was fashion-focused, and was dealing with ‘confessions’ I had about how nervous I was with the very first pageant I’d entered, 3 years ago now.

Gradually, when this became a more fashion-heavy blog… I stopped the confession format and started titling things with song lyrics.  However, the words contained within the pages of these posts were no less sincere.  So, I decided I’d like to start going back to the confession format, starting over with Confession #1… and a very big one.  I miss my father.

My dad was always the one that encouraged anything creative in me.  My mom did too, to a degree… as long as it was music related, or art related, or anything physically out in the world.  Even writing, as long as I was doing it SOMEWHERE PHYSICAL.  My father was the only one of my parents who truly understood the validity of creativity online and via a computer.  He was the one that really pushed me into that side of things.  I had my own website when I was a child, that he updated for me when I asked him to or had an idea for him.  I told beanie babies online around that same time too.  He was a programmer, so he was teaching me Dreamweaver and HTML coding… a little bit of Cascading Style Sheets.

All knowledge that I’ve forgotten now.

But when it comes to accomplishments like these… that there are 500 people that care enough about what I write in here to follow me and at least get an email or a WordPress notification whenever I post something… whether they come over here to read it or not… and that I have managed to keep this thing alive and going for 3 years.  These are accomplishments my mom can’t really relate to.  All she really sees is that it’s 3 years of time I’ve “wasted” being online.  She doesn’t try to see the valuable connections and skills I’ve learned by being a part of the Second Life community, and by maintaining this blog.

She just doesn’t get it.  And that’s not her fault.  And it’s not a wrong or bad opinion to have.  It’s just different than my own.  And it’s difficult for us to co-exist on issues of the internet.

But my father?  He would’ve been all over this.  He would’ve wanted to see it, have me explain to him what SL was.  Hell, he may have even wanted to make an avatar himself.  I mean, who knows, SL has been around for a long time… maybe he found it.  Maybe I knew him in here.  I’ll never know.  And I can’t share this accomplishment with him now.

For the most part, I’d like to think I’ve begun functioning normally now.  I don’t break down every day.  Only when things like this song, and this milestone come up… that make me think about him and remember.  I can walk past his picture on my living room wall and his urn without the urge to take it off the shelf and just cradle it.  Am I still upset he passed when he did?  Yes.  Am I still kinda mad at him for the way he let our relationship go, and didn’t try to fix it when he KNEW he was dying?  Yes.  I am still very mad about that.

But for the most part, I’m mostly ok.  Until days like today happen.  Then I REALLY just wish he was here to share in this.  He would get it.  He would understand.  And he would be happy for me, I think, even as estranged as we were at times.

I miss my father.

YouShouldBeHere1FINAL

*~* Confession .01.  I Miss My Father *~*

..:: Shape ::.. MINE
..:: Skin ::.. Ayla Skin (Special Rose Tone) || AlterEgo || New Group Gift!
..:: Eyes ::.. Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
..:: Hair ::.. Princess (A) || Catwa Hair
..:: Body ::.. Lara Body (v3.5) || Maitreya
..:: Hands ::.. Avatar Enhancement Hands (Gesture) || Slink
..:: Gown ::.. Ariel (Ink) || Junbug
..:: Jewelry Set ::.. Cabaret Jewelry (Gold/Onyx) || Son!a || Jewelry & Accessory Expo
* This set is NEW for the Jewelry & Accessory Expo that just opened YESTERDAY!  The set is Onyx, and has Gold and Silver versions, to match anything your little heart desires!

..:: Pose (photo 1) ::.. Musica Walk Default 2 || Posesion
..:: Pose (photo 2) ::.. Aries 6 || Posesion

..:: Blogging Tune ::.. “You Should Be Here” – Cole Swindell
* Trigger warning: This video is INCREDIBLY emotional, especially for those who have lost a parent, or someone extremely close to them.

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