How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground we’ve drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night?
“If you can bring your shattered dreams, and I’ll bring mine… could healing still be spoken and save us?”
It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, and because I’m kinda in the mood for it, I’ma do another one of the Lover’s Dictionary series posts. Buuuuuut before I jumped into the word, I wanted to say a huge thank you to my newest sponsor, SayaNicole Cuttita from Envious. Envious has been one of my favorite brands since I stepped out of roleplay the first time (gods, in 2009?) and first cared about what my avatar looked like. It’s very rare that I will wear an outfit ‘out of the box’, or multiple pieces from the same outfit, but with Saya’s designs, I always do… cause it’s just so damned awesome. So thank you, Saya!
I didn’t understand how someone from a completely landlocked state could be so terrified of sharks. Even in the aquarium, I had to do everything to get you to come close to the tank. Then, in the Natural History Museum, I couldn’t say Quiet any longer.
“It’s not alive,” I said. “It can’t hurt you.”
But you held back, and I was compelled to push you into the glass.
What did it matter to me? Did I think that by making you rational about one thing, I could make you rational about everything?
Maybe. Or maybe I just wanted to save you from your fears.
— “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan
I am positively terrified of damn near everything. Some of my fears are rational… I’ve had bad experiences with them in the past, which make me incredibly wary of being in similar situations. Some of my fears, however, are completely irrational; I’ve never been involved in a damn thing even close to it. There is zero reason for it. And yet, here I sit… completely petrified.
The problem, though, is that You tried to convince me that the things I was rationally afraid of, were, in fact, irrational fears. That the things in my past should simply stay there, and should never have any sort of impact on my future judgment or future feelings. While I agree to a certain extent… that I should never PUNISH people in my future for the mistakes of those in my past… I do have to assert that my past experiences will make me wary, and that this is perfectly ok.
The first time I put my hand on the burning hot stove as a child, I learned damn well never to do that again. My brain works the same way with most everything else.
My therapist tells me I can’t assume everyone is a bad person, just because they exude similar qualities to bad people in my past… or because I am in a similar situation that I was in in my past around bad people (i.e. I can’t assume all my classmates that are nice to me want to use me because I’m doing well)… however I still believe there’s a difference between that, and being cautious.
Or being genuinely afraid. I was afraid of you. That was the bottom line.
And there was only so much I could take of being constantly told that everything I said and did was irrational, no matter how rational it actually was.
And then the silence happened. So, I guess that was that.
*~* Can We Just Be Broken Together? *~*
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || AlterEgo
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
Hair: Warrior (Brunettes) || Spellbound
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom
Lipstick: Essential Lipsticks (Red; Matte; Deep) || Pink Fuel
Dress & Heels: Maria Dress (15) || Envious
* Dress includes standard sizes, sizes for Slink Physique, and Belleza Venus/Isis/Freya
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Arm Tattoo: Atinne (Black) || Common Gacha Item || Things
Leg Tattoo: Vayiane (Black) || Common Gacha Item || Things
Backdrop: 9 rue du Marteau. Brussels || Common Gacha Item || Rowne
Blogging Tune: “Broken Together” – Casting Crowns