Delta John to Alpha One
Said my system’s checking, something’s going on
What to do… are you coming through?
Delta John to Alpha One
Said my system’s crashed and something’s come undone
911… copy, copy you…
“Whoopti do, c’est la vie. Say goodbye. Say I’m free. Say so long. Stay with him. May the good Lord keep ya; I hope you get some help. Go to hell. Nothing’s left inside this shell. Cause I’ve lived this long, and nothing’s wrong when living ends, no…”
That bridge up there… some powerful lyrics. Nothing to do with what I’m writing about today… but just thought I’d point out how powerful it was.
It’s been awhile. My bad. November is kinda an emotionally charged month. Though, let’s be honest… it’s, like, August through November that’s incredibly dodgy for me. Which is unfortunate. Autumn/Fall used to be my favorite season… especially when I was up North. It was such a beautiful season to watch happen. And most of the time, at least in Indiana, it wasn’t too cold yet, so you could really truly enjoy the beauty for a little bit before bundling up and fighting your way through snow for months.
This time of year is often when I reflect a lot on the last three people I lost in my life. It wasn’t easy, losing my father, grandfather, and grandmother within a span of about 14 months.
I’m still incredibly angry at my father for the way everything… happened. 2 years later, I’m sure that’s not exactly a good thing… but still. Like I’ve said to him in a Luminaria for the last two years, sometimes a girl just needs her daddy.
The last conversation I remember with my grandmother… it’s not the last conversation we had, by far, because it was 7 months before she died… so we talked plenty after this… but it still sticks out in my mind… we were sitting in a hotel room because we were back in Indiana for grandpa’s funeral, and my step-sister was over, pulling my hair through the highlighting cap to highlight it for me, since I was there and hadn’t done anything to it for… a couple years. We were talking about her most recent significant-other drama, and the man just so happened to be black.
“I’ve already told you… I will disown you if you EVER marry a black man.”
I’ve learned not to argue. It pissed me off every time she said it… but she knew I didn’t agree with her and would do whatever I damn well pleased if it was someone I cared for… but I didn’t have the energy to argue it every time she opened up that can of bigoted racism. So, instead, all I said was, “My boyfriend is German, is that ok?” Ben, whom I was with at the time, was originally from Germany, though lived most of his life in Chicago.
“As long as he’s white.” Was my grandmother’s reply.
“Oh, so ancestors who were potentially Nazi’s are fine. But ancestors who may have been oppressed slaves… how dare I.”
The room was so silent… and if my grandmother had been a younger woman… even around my mother’s age… I think she would’ve come over the bed at me.
And my grandfather… well, my last memory of my grandfather isn’t really of him… it’s another one of grandma when we were back up in Indiana for his funeral. (Keep in mind, I moved down to Alabama when grandpa’s condition had already deteriorated pretty badly… 2 months after I moved down here was my birthday and we went to a Chinese restaurant and that was his last outing… and even that was iffy on whether he’d be in ok enough shape to go. His physical and mental condition just wasn’t good for the time I was here that he was still around.)
We’re in the car, shortly after arriving back up in Indiana, and keep in mind, he passed right at the beginning of February (2014), so February in Indiana means snow… and unfortunately for us that year… lots of snow. We’re in the car driving down the main road in our town, and grandma all of a sudden just looks up at the ceiling of the car and says, out loud, in the most legit ‘I’m having a conversation’ voice: “Look hunny, I’m up to my ass in snow!”
This has been a vast majority of my mindset the last few months. So sorry if I’m kinda quiet and not around as much or as perky or whatevs. It’ll get better again. They’re all in better places… I know that… I’ve heard that lecture more times than I care to recall. Doesn’t stop me from missing them.
*~* Cause You Won’t Love The Way You Should… *~*
Skin: Caroline (Polar Tone; Makeup Option 01) || Glam Affair || We ❤ RP
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural Pupil) || IKON
Hair: Hearts Like Ours (HUD 04) || Magika || Recently Released Colors!
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Ears: Steking Ears (Season 5; Elf configuration) || Mandala
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant 1) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Mid) || Slink
Dress: Baroque Dress || Moon Amore || We ❤ RP
* Silver & Gold trim changeable via HUD; Also to note, I bought the purple version, but each color version comes with the option to wear white… which is why the specific color isn’t noted. ❤
Sandals/Heels: Silver Goddess Sandals || Pure Poison
* Made ONLY for Slink Mid feet
Headpiece: Amelie Deux Cascade || Zibska || We ❤ RP
*Color change HUD included with 30 varying color options
Necklace: Fearless Choker (Silver) || Mandala
Tattoo: Caravage (Black; ‘Low’ opacity version) || White Widow || We ❤ RP
* Each color comes with ‘Low’, ‘Normal’, and ‘High’ opacity to work on different skin tones.
Furnishings (photo 2) —
House: Acorn Treehouse || RARE Gacha Item || Dust Bunny
Chair: Rocking Chair || Common Gacha Item || Dust Bunny
Bookpile: oldbook || Common Gacha Item || anc
Rug: Braided Rug || Common Gacha Item || Dust Bunny
Reading Dog: Shiba Inu (Just Chillin) || Common Gacha Item || Half-Deer
Sleeping Dog: Shiba Inu (Storybook Dreams) || RARE Gacha Item || Half-Deer
Bed: Indoor DIY Spring Bed (Natural) || 8f8
Pose (photo 1): PR Walk F 1 || Vestige
Location: Pandora Box of Dreams
Blogging Tune: “You Broke Love” – Jussie Smollett ft. Empire Cast