I’ll use you as a makeshift gauge
Of how much to give and how much to take
I’ll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind…
“I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be: right in front of me. Talk some sense to me.”
I read a book today. Literally started at page one and finished the end. Though to be fair, it was only just over 200 pages, and the way the book was setup, most of the pages were not full pages. Some even only had a couple sentences on it. “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan. You may recognize the name, as he’s the same author who wrote “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”, which was adapted into a movie in 2008. (God, was it that long ago?) Though he does not specify whether the nameless narrator is himself, making this more “creative non-fiction”, or if it is truly two fictional characters. The book defines itself as a novel, making me suspect the latter, however, its rawness makes me wonder…
The way the book is set-up… and this is what I loved about it… was words from the dictionary, organized alphabetically. And each of these words has a memory associated with it. They are not long things. Some are longer than others, but the longest was maybe a full front and back page with a few lines on the next page. So you can see how easy it was to become so fully engrossed in this book that I read it cover-to-cover over a total of about 3 or 4 hours today.
I loved the book so much… that I think I may occasionally pick and choose words/quotes from it and share them with you… while sharing my own stories that relate to such words. Writing my own ‘cover’ of sorts to this book, gradually. This is especially useful on days like today, when I have 3 photos to share instead of 2. *Laughs*
I think I’m going to start with the first one, not only because it’s the first one and a perfect introduction to the book and its style, but because it’s very appropriate to the concept of Second Life and the people we meet here.
“I don’t normally do this kind of thing,” you said.
“Neither do I,” I assured you.
Later, it turned out we had both met people online before, and we had both slept with people on first dates before, and we had both found ourselves falling too fast before. But we comforted ourselves with what we really meant to say, which was: “I don’t normally feel this good about what I’m doing.”
Measure the hope of that moment, that feeling.
Everything else will be measured against it.
— “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan
It doesn’t normally take me a year and a half to sit down and have an extensive conversation with someone that I’m attracted to. In most situations, I do like conversation and talking… even if it’s not with the /intention/ of getting to know someone… and, in fact, I tend to like general conversation better. You get to know someone more that way. When they don’t feel like they’re being interrogated, they’re more natural with you. More at ease. More likely to show you the person they are, rather than the person they think you want to see.
But that didn’t even happen. So why did it take this long with him?
Well first of all, he wasn’t around much. That helps. *Laughs* But mostly? I was scared. I still am scared. Knowing what I know and being where I’ve been, things just don’t tend to end prettily when I’m involved. And so why should I operate on the assumption that this will be any different? That thought kept me safe for a year and a half. Was it fair? Not in the slightest. It’s not fair to subject everyone in my future to the mistakes of everyone in my past. But did it allow me to stay guarded enough to not end up too close? For a year and a half it did.
Now? Now all bets are pretty much off. And even if I’m scared… I still feel safe. If that makes any sense. And so everything else moving forward will be measured against that.
*~* If You Talk Enough Sense Then You’ll Lose Your Mind… *~*
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