Fear Can Claim What Little Faith Remains…

I will never surrender
We’ll free the Earth and Sky
Crush my heart into embers
And I will reignite…

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It’s been a hard few weeks.

I’ve had many times… MANY times… where I’ve reached that place of, “Why in the hell am I fighting?”  I’ve gone to friends in tears, in panic attacks even, in that place of watching so many people fight so hard, only to ultimately lose that battle… so what is the point?  Why in the hell am I subjecting myself to poisoning my body… and all the hell that comes with it… only to end up ultimately losing?

Usually the response to that is some form of smacking me in the back of the head.  A wake-up call of sorts.

I still don’t know what the point is, some days… I just know I’m supposed to keep pushing forward.  There’s a reason I haven’t lost yet.  Of course, I also have hard time believing in an ultimately loving Creator-type deity when all I’ve seen lately is destruction.  Beautiful things… beautiful people… destroyed.  Riko Kamachi had one of the biggest Relay hearts I’d ever seen in my 4 years in RFL of SL.  Gone.  Summitt Beaumont… and even typing her name still hurts… had one of the biggest hearts of anyone woman I’d met in my SL.  No matter what it was, she was right there with encouraging words.  For everyone.  It didn’t matter if she liked you or hated you… though I have a hard time believing that Summitt could bring herself to hate anyone.  From classes at Amici until Sunday when I heard of her passing, that woman was probably the single-most positive person I had ever seen.  And she’s gone.

And while I’m sad about it, I don’t have the energy to be devastated.  That sounds incredibly insensitive.  I SHOULD be devastated.  She was such a GOOD person… and there are some HORRIBLE people who get to live and continue to go about their business ruining the lives of other people… and all Summitt wanted to do was be happy, and see other people happy.  I should be devastated.  Her loss is a truly great one.

But I’m too… MAD… to be devastated.

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I’ve been sitting on this song for a long time.  I didn’t want to use it until an incredibly appropriate blog post… and I feel like, perhaps this is the time to bring it out.

But I carry strength from souls now gone
They won’t let me give in…

I have to think.  Even in all this loss… and all the things that surround me that make me wonder what the point of fighting is when I’m so tired.  And I’m so tired of being sick.  I have to think that even in all this… that my Godparents… my father… my grandfather… my mother… Riko… Summitt… all those people that have gone before me, fought, and finally given in… would kick my ass if I gave up.

And I know several people in my life now, that would kick my ass… and have already when I’ve even THOUGHT about giving up.

There is are another few lines in this song… that make me think of Relay Nation every time I hear them.  And I want every Relayer who may happen across this post to read them… re-read them… study them… and commit them to memory.  Cancer doesn’t have to be a death sentence.  And we are relaying to be sure that it won’t be any longer… the FUTURE is NOW.

Death will take those who fight alone
But united we can break a fate once set in stone…

Relay.  I can do this.  We can do this.  Standing TOGETHER as ONE TEAM, we can do this.  Every day, you all give me reasons to stand up and fight back.

So.  I will reignite.  I have to.

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I was walking around Skin Fair today, and I happened across a skin from The Plastik that I adored… and normally I look to Aikea’s skins when I need something more fantasy-related that’s not Gor… and since I pretty much stick to Gor rp now, I haven’t had a need to.  But it was refreshing, to find a tone that was very similar to what I wore normally.  And since I was walking around for a Blogger Preview, and there was a box outside her store, I thought I’d notecard her, and see if she’d let me feature the skin in this post.  What came next, I couldn’t have anticipated.

I received the tone I asked for, and the applier pack to make it fit my Maitreya mesh body and Slink hands and feet (skins and applier packs are sold SEPARATELY at the event).  But I also received her general Skin Fair Bloggers Pack, which included SEVEN (yes SEVEN) additional skin tones and applier packs, and a bunch of makeup and eyes!

The makeup… is what made me think of this song.  I layered a few of them together in such a way that, to me, I looked battered.  Battle-worn.  My eyes were blinded.  I was just so wounded and so… done.  Blood spattering from my lip… a physical incarnation of how I feel most days in the layering of that makeup over my face.

But.  I will reignite.  I have to.

And I have to think Aikea for making this post possible.  (*Skin Fair SLURLs being withheld until opening on the 13th, per the request of those putting the event on.*)

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*~* Fear Can Claim What Little Faith Remains… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin (blog pics): Immortalia Skin (Merula) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Skin (pallette pics): Immortalia Skin (Tones labeled) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Eyes (blog pics): Teren Eyes (Kalah Blind) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Eyes (pallette pics): Bloodless Eyes (Grape) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Hair (blog pics): Bubsy (Rainbows Pack) – Spellbound
Hair (pallette pics): Journey (Rainbows Pack) – Spellbound
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v2.1) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Makeup 1 (blog pics): Immortalia Makeup (Souless; Red) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Makeup 2 (blog pics): Immortalia Makeup (Brave; Desat) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Makeup 3 (blog pics): Immortalia Makeup (Battle) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Tattoo: Henna Body Tattoo RARE – Demonic @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Top & Bracers: Naevia Set (Black) – Axix @ Fantasy Collective
Vest: The Thief Girl Vest (Grunge) RARE – Yasum @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Panties: Chain Panties (Black) – The Forge @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Face Chain (blog pics): Face Chain (Black) – The Forge @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Rings: Accessories Rings (Black) – Formanails
* These are sold separately in options for SL Hand, Slink Elegant, Elegant-1, and Casual
Anklets: Warrior Anklets (Black) – Promagic

Poses: from “Haute” set – Katink

Location: Misty Mountain Romance

Blogging Tune: “Reignite” – Malukah

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One thought on “Fear Can Claim What Little Faith Remains…

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