Don’t wanna wait til the sun’s sinkin’
We could be feelin’ it all night
I know You know what I’m thinkin’
Why don’t we do a little day drinkin’
I apologize in advance to anyone in and out of Gor who runs into me tomorrow. I will be drinking. Heavily.
I thoroughly appreciate the irony that while my father was the most cynical and non-political person I know, His birthday falls on election day every year, at least for local elections.
Of course, that also means that I’ve been bombarded for the last month with signs and ad campaigns reminding me about how important November 4th is. Yeah, it’s important… but unfortunately, not for the reasons the media keeps telling me about.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the political process. I’ve just not lived in my town long enough to be able to make an informed vote. So I am choosing to not vote tomorrow.
Not to mention the fact that I’d simply like to crawl in a hole until November 5th.
I called my mother over to the house today and I asked her, “How do you do it?” She looked at me like I was crazy… and I proceeded to explain.
“Someone from the Sherrif’s Association called the house today, asking for grandpa. I had to let them know he’d passed away, and they proceeded to try and sell their cause to me, rallying for last minute votes before the polls tomorrow… and that made me think about what day tomorrow is, so I just wanna know how to get through it. Because right now I just want to crawl in a hole and do nothing until November 5th so I don’t have to worry about it again until August. So I need you to either tell me it’s ok to hide in a hole tomorrow and not do anything, or I need you to tell me how to not feel this way because I feel like I’m slowly driving myself insane.”
She proceeded to hug the crap out of me for at least 10 minutes.
My dad and I weren’t really close when He died. Ok… so that might be an understatement.
I know I’ve mentioned some of this stuff on this blog before… but as His birthday approaches (or is technically here, since it’s 1:30am for me) it’s just stuff that comes back to the forefront of my mind.
We weren’t very close when He died. When things were getting worse, the friend that he was living with asked him for important phone numbers… in case anything happened to him. Dad told him, “I don’t have any.” When the friend specifically asked about me, dad’s reply was, “She wouldn’t give a shit.”
That was the last thought my father had about me. That I wouldn’t give a shit.
And you know… I guess he had every reason to believe that. We didn’t talk very often. I had just… grown so sick of being the only one making an effort. It’s a father-daughter relationship for a reason… we’re both supposed to make the effort, we’re both supposed to work on it. And I was the only one reaching out to him. I was the one calling, I was the one leading the conversation. Every time I asked how he was doing, I’d get the same answer: “Same old, same old, nothing new.” I’d end up feeling like I was forcing the conversation, until I finally gave up and ended the call.
This is how it went every time.
Little did I know this “same old same old” crap was a lie. I don’t think stints in your heart is “same old, same old”. I don’t think going to the hospital twice in the last 6 months of his life for a collapsed lung is “same old, same old”. I don’t think “Oh, by the way, I’m dying” is “same old, same old”.
He put His physical therapist as his emergency contact any time he was admitted to the hospital.
They didn’t call me until the day after he’d died, when he’d been in the hospital for a week prior.
It took them that long to find my phone number.
And the only reason they found it? The friend he was living with just HAPPENED to be related to the mother of my supervisor at my job at the time. If not for that, who honestly knows if they would’ve ever found me.
So when I approach his birthday… only the second time I’ve had to do this since he died… I still don’t know what to do. I’m still just as lost as I was when he died. I’m still just as sad. I’m still just as empty.
And I’m still just as pissed off.
So I guess this is why I’m so concerned about the health and well being of other people… most specifically, lately, Men. To the Men out there… you have daughters… and if you don’t have daughters I can almost guarantee you that SOMEONE in your life looks up to you. Those that look up to you aren’t ready to lose you yet. I wasn’t ready to lose my dad. I’m still not ready to accept that I already did. But don’t let that daughter or that person that looks up to you have to live without you for longer than they should.
Kellan (Kelika Dubrovna) and a few others are organizing a multi-faceted event in the City of Vigo on Sunday, November 9th called MOvember. There will be a calendar of Gorean Masters sold, kissing booths, dances… several ways to donate to the American Cancer Society for the cause of Testicular and Prostate Cancer awareness. Currently, there is an auction going on for several handsome Masters that ends on the 9th as well. The SLURL to the auction boards and where the event will be located is below in the credits. (When you land at the landing point, descend the stairs to the teleport pad and find the “MOvember” destination.)
*~* An Open Umbrella On A Patio *~*
Skin: Rose (India tone; Clean version) – Glam Affair *recent release*
Eyes: Luminous Mesh Eyes (Dusky Hazel) – Mayfly
Hair: Warrior (Brunettes) – Spellbound * shadows&highlights enhanced*
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier (hands&feet): Dark Set (Forest) – Nailed It
Undereye Shadow: Ere Makeup (Green) – Nuuna
Top: Women Ranger Jacket (color 1) – gO @ FGC
Skirt: Women Ranger Skirt (color 1) – gO @ FGC
Arm Warmers: Women Ranger Mittens (color 1) – gO @ FGC
Collar: Luma’cam Collar (Gold; RARE) – A Master’s Eye @ FGC
Shield: Aztec Shield (Winter) – KioKio @ FGC
Boomerang (wings): Arya Boomerang – EZ Weaponry
Staff: Oberon Staff – LR Weapons
Poses: Various from Morphine (now closed)
Location: City of Vigo (MOvember Event Platform)
Blogging Tune: “Day Drinking” – Little Big Town