Posted in Uncategorized

Reach Up to Touch Rock Bottom…

Hey, little girl
With the pressures of the world on your shoulders
Don’t say that it’s over


I don’t blame my mother for how I grew up.

I don’t blame her for the bruises, the nights spent crying… the threats.  I don’t blame her for the arguments, the yelling, the times I locked myself in my room and STILL didn’t feel safe.  I don’t blame her for wondering if the door was going to be enough to stand between me and more bruises… between me and another day of going to school wearing long sleeves in the summer… between me and another night spent wondering what I did wrong.

“The only reason I don’t crack your head open with this broom is because your mother would leave me, and I would go to jail.”

“I can’t wait until you turn 18 so I can beat the hell out of you.”
“Physical violence is still illegal, no matter how old I am.”
“I don’t give a shit!”

“Why don’t you go downtown and get a shopping cart and live like those fuckers on the streets, cause that’s all you’ll ever be good for…”

And the mornings I woke up to being hit… because he decided something made him mad, and I’d not locked my door the night before.  Then I was blamed for not locking it.  If I didn’t want him in there, I should lock it… “that’s why the door has a lock.”

This was my childhood.  But I don’t blame my mother for not stepping in… for not saying something… the way I always viewed it… in size, I’m larger than my mother… and so  I knew, if she said something to him, he would just turn on her.  And I was afraid her body wouldn’t be able to handle it the way I did.

This is how I grew up… living behind a locked door that couldn’t stand between me and the fucked up mindset I was developing.


For those of you that didn’t close this post during the first part…. I apologize if that brought up negative memories… negative feelings… or served as a trigger for any of you.  I tried to give a brief background without going into too much gruesome detail.

It’s my goal to bring this event to light… not to emotionally scar the few readers I have.

One of the sponsors I blog for, Lybra, created the dress I’m wearing today in support of K.I.D.S. (Kids In Distressed Situations).  Out of my own curiosity, and to make sure I wasn’t writing this negatively emotional post and bringing up all these things from my past that are currently making me shake (apologies if there are typos here… there might be, and I’m not going to be able to really re-read everything to fix them.  Tivi to English translation can be provided by any of my closest friends.  Heh.) I had to make sure I wasn’t going to be writing about this for nothing.

The first thing I saw on the website is providing basic things for needy children… clothing, especially warm weather clothing in the winter… food, etc.  But in delving a bit more into the “About” section, they DO have a portion of their program that supports victims of Domestic Violence.  I have to admire programs that do this…

Not everyone can step in and stop the Domestic Violence from happening.  You can’t force a woman to leave a man who beats her… and/or her child(ren).  You can’t force someone to get help if they don’t think they need it.  However, I have to greatly admire programs like this who are willing to step in, when everything finally falls apart and the woman doesn’t know where to go, especially when a child/children are involved… without organizations like KIDS… some of us wouldn’t have half the hope we do now.  We would’ve fallen victim to the system, or to the negativity.  We’d still be with our abuser, be it a parent or a significant other.  We’d be stuck.

Or we’d be dead.

So, thank you, Lybra, from me personally and from others like me… for supporting an event like this.  I am honored to have a sponsor who cares about women/children in these situations.


*~* Reach Up to Touch Rock Bottom… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Kaelyn 09 (India) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Spectral Eyes (Field) – IKON  (previous FaMESHed release; currently in store)
Hair: Charlize (Red 03) – Truth Hair  (style not currently in in-world store)
Bruises (Face & Chest): Bruised Face & Body – Soedara
Whip Marks (Chest & Back): Whipped – Savage
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Mid) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier (Hands & Feet): MvW Autumn Set (Steel) – Nailed It
Gown: Abigail – Lybra  @ KIDS Event (April 14th – 26th)
* Please see “Official Blogger For…” page for additional Lybra Locations
Necklace: Zulaikha Lattice Necklace – Maxi Gossamer  @ Collabor88
Earrings: Udo Deux Earrings – Zibska

Pose: Electric 8 – PosESioN

Location: Misty Mountain Romance

Blogging Tune: “Irene” – TobyMac


4 thoughts on “Reach Up to Touch Rock Bottom…

  1. Thank you for sharing this Tivi. Only someone who has gone through the hell of being a beaten and abused child can understand the guilt, the hopefullness and the utter desperation to be loved. Your words brought back the pain of something I usually avoid even thinking about. Know that we the ones who speak out, who tell our stories are the breakers of the chain of abuse. One day I will tell mine, but for now I enjoy my peace. Live in light Tivi, we earned it.


    1. Everyone shares their story in due time.
      That day was my time. Yours will come too.
      Much strength and many many hugs to you in the days between now and then, and the days after!

      ❤ Tivi


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s