Hang On, Just Don’t Ever Let Go… (Day 3 Make-up)

(Featuring designs by AFI Designs, Amacci, Madrid Solo, and more…)

afi zombie final 2(There came a point last week where I just had to say, “Gah, fuckit… I’m just gonna go shoot zombies.”)

Yes, I’m very very behind.  BUT, I’m also committed to try and get 30 posts in before the end of June.  So I’m going to try and double up as much as I can to try and get these caught up, and I apologize for my slacking.  Life has just been really crazy.

Part of why I wasn’t writing was because, admittedly, I had no Photoshop motivation, and given that this is primarily a fashion blog (even though the ABM posts don’t HAVE to be fashion), I would feel like I was ‘going against’ the feeds I’m syndicated on that are fashion related in order to do just general ‘life’ posts.  The other reason, is because I just couldn’t come up with anything to write about.  I mean, I say life has been crazy, but it’s all the typical stuff.  Blah blah, RL job sucks… blah blah, issues making ends meet… blah blah, relationship problems.  It’s all stuff you’ve heard before.

But recently while I was trying to find an notecard in my inventory, I ran into a notecard I made of something I stole out of someone’s profile.  I apparently had the presence of mind at the time to mention it was taken from a profiel… however, I did not notate WHOSE profile it was from.  So… my bad.  I apologize for not being able to properly cite who I stole it from, but I’m fully admitting that these are not my original creations.  The notecard is titled “20 Rules to Live By”.  What more would be a better way to give me topics to try and make up these posts than to blog about each rule?

Believe it or not, I’m actually really excited about this discovery.  So… ONWARD TO RULE #1.

20 Rules To Live By, Rule #1: If you’re afraid to fight, then you’ll never win.

First of all, I just have to say YES to this.  To illustrate just why I feel so strongly about this rule, allow me to delve a bit into the “blah blah, relationship problems” portion of my mundane troubles.

My partner and I are on the outs.  We have not really spoken since last Friday, and we will not speak until He comes home from work tomorrow.  Let’s just start by saying that much.

While I feel like taking time apart was a good way to be able to sit down and TRULY examine our relationship as it stands, whether it can continue, and what needs to be fixed in order for it to succeed… it SUCKS to not be around Him.  It really does.  Do we have the perfect relationship?  Hell no.  Do we fight?  Yes.  A lot more than I’m comfortable admitting.  And that’s kinda our biggest problem.  He doesn’t really… express… that He thinks there are things that need fixed in our relationship until we get into an argument, and then I am left to feel like they are being held over me like a death sentence.  His intentions could very well be to simply air out the concerns, but when they’re given in the context of a confrontation, I feel attacked.  Is it necessarily His fault?  No.  Like I said, He could very well be trying to air out concerns.  However, He has a serious case of “wrong place, wrong time, wrong execution.”

afi zombie final(Again, I gave up trying to deal with it all at one point, and went to go shoot zombies.  Stylishly, of course.)

Now, why I feel like all this mess relates to Rule #1 is simple (at least to me).  If I go into this conversation tomorrow (which I’m incredibly nervous about, just for the record) and I don’t, theoretically moreso than literally, “fight” for us… then we’re not going to survive.  At the same time, if He doesn’t “fight” for us, then I’m going to be left to feel like our relationship isn’t that important to Him… and we won’t survive either.

See, it’s this fighting idea that I guess has been another point of contention.  In my head, where no one fights and everything exists in the ‘ideal’ state, I live in a world where chivalry is not dead.  Yes, I admitted in my last post to being a slave.  But at the same time, I’m still a human being involved in a (mostly) loving relationship.  If someone questions my honor, I would melt into a little Tivi puddle to watch Zak stand up to them to defend me.  At the same time, if *I* become my own worst enemy (there’s a rule on that, so I’ll elaborate another day!), I would still hope that I would matter enough to Him for Him to stand up and fight for me, to fight for us.

Now, does this mean that I’m going to purposely create confrontation just to see if He’s willing to fight for me?  No.  All of our issues have been legitimate arguments over something either He or I was mad about.  But, at the same time, we’ve been together 8 months… and while I’ve seen Him defend me to, maybe, 2 people in that time… I’ve never seen Him truly ‘fight’ to preserve what we have.  And maybe some of you will tell me that I’m arrogant or full of myself to want Him to fight for me… but I don’t consider it a 2-way street.  There are some circumstances surrounding our relationship that cause me to fight for Him almost daily.  He may not see it, He may not realize it, but I do.  I fight for Him in regards to other people, and I even fight for Him against the questions that pop up in my own head.

And that’s what scares me the most.  These questions that I’ve had to sit down and honestly answer over the past week.

I’ve fought for Him for 8 months.  But if He continues to refuse to fight for me… I can’t conduct a one-sided relationship… even with a Man I love.

Wow… this took a pretty depressing turn… sorry about that.

*~* Hang On, Just Don’t Ever Let Go… *~*
(I swear, I’ll figure out these links soon.  Wordpress is weird.)

Shape: MINE!
Skin: Holly Skin Fair – Izzie’s
Eyes: Lovers eye (Pistachio) – the Skinnery (MESH)
Ears: UNISEX Stekin Ears – Mandala (MESH)
Hair: Sione Hair (Night) – Amacci
Eye Makeup: Twice Shy (Rose) – Madrid Solo
Eyelashes: Flirty Lashes – DAMNED Bodyshop
Blush: Blush (fair skin) – DAMNED Bodyshop
Lipstick: Soft Kisses 11 – Madrid Solo
Dress: Group Gift Red Mini – AFI Designs (MESH)
Boots: Megas boots black – TEN (MESH)
Necklace/Collar: Posture Collar – (red)Mint (MESH)
Guns: MAC 10 – BREACH

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